Dear Love

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 7 months now and I feel that we are really in love with each other. We respect each other thoroughly and support each other with our decisions. The thing is, he just got accepted to a graduate program that is on the west coast while we currently live on the east coast. At first I was sort of devastated, but I am completely supportive of him as I know he really likes the program. However, he made the suggestion that after a year, I should go to the west coast, but after considering it, I told him it wasn't feasible for my career goals for the short length of time I'd be there. He's really hesitant about the long distance thing, but I'm still very supportive of him. How can I give him more positive words so he won't base his decision solely on the fact that this will be a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years?
--Is Long Distance Worth It?

Dear Is Long Distance Worth It?,

Any person worth having is worth waiting a few years for. If you both have something really special then take the plunge. You'd be surprised at how well a long distance relationship can work out. Granted, it won't be easy and you'll both go through your bouts of loneliness. However, the rewards for making it through are worth every lonely second.

Just remember there are thousands of couples going through long distance relationships every day. There are thousands of resources available, many on this site, to help you both make it through and keep the relationship feeling alive and new. With the Internet you can both keep in contact through Internet phones, chats, instant messengers and more. The only thing stopping a long distance relationship from succeeding in these times is the relationship itself.

If your relationship is rocky or isn't meant to pan out in the end, a long distance situation brings that to your attention quite quickly. This may be the reason so many people are hesitant to get involved in this type of relationship. However, if you are truly a match made in heaven, a few thousand miles can only make your relationship that much stronger in the long-term.

As to what to tell your boyfriend… just let him know that you think he's worth the wait. You know you both can make it, and that you hope he feels the same way.


With Love,
LOVE

Dear Love

Hi, I fell in love with a guy about 2 years ago, and we went out for a year. I got pregnant and he left me. I was very stressed out by this and had a miscarriage. He is now with a young, immature girl who cheats on him. He knows what she is doing and doesn't even care. The problem is that I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I know what he did was wrong, but I am sure he was scared, just as I was. How can I get over him? I can't move on with the thoughts of him in my head. I have tried, but it won't work. Someone told me that his current girlfriend is pregnant. He was at the doctor with her the other day. I don't know that is true or not, but it really upsets me to think he would be there for her, and has only known her for a couple months... please help me if you can. -Still in Love

Dear Still in Love,

 You need to find some way to get closure and move on. I don't know that there is a future for you and your ex. He may have originally left you because he was scared, but I can't help feeling that there must have been something else wrong as well. Either way, it is not a good situation for you as he is in another relationship and you really need to move on. My advice would be to sit down with a journal and just start writing about everything you are feeling. Don't try to compose your thoughts or even make them make sense - just write… for as long as it takes. There are also some wonderful resources for you in our break up central section. If you spend all your energy focusing on the past, you won't have any time to create the future you desire and deserve. Remember, what you do today determines what your life will be like in the future. Apply the lessons you've learned, close this chapter in your life for good, and get start on writing the next one.


With Love,
LOVE

Dear Love

One day I saw an offline message to my boyfriend from another woman. I became suspicious that he might be carrying on with other women, so I gained access to his email. I read an email from yet another woman stating how much she missed him and asking why he is ignoring her after the time they spent together. I confronted him about this and told him how I found out. He has not offered an explanation for the email, and he has made my accessing of his e-mail account the center point of why we are separated. He says he hasn't cheated and wouldn't. Up until I saw that offline message, I never had any reason to suspect he possibly may be cheating. How should I handle this situation?
--Privacy vs Cheating

Dear Privacy vs Cheating,
I’m not sure there is much of a situation left to handle. You found some pretty incriminating evidence that he is at the very least doing something slightly inappropriate behind your back. The fact that he doesn’t seem to want to talk about the issue is a little fishy as well. It may just be easier for him to stand on the moral high ground and use your snooping as a justification for the separation. Either way, the point is moot. The potential for a serious relationship has pretty much been destroyed. Even if he came around and offered a reason, there would always be a part of you that would suspect something. You also now know that instead of talking through an issue, he’ll just leave. This gives you a clue as to how important he considered your relationship to begin with. If you decided to get back together and sweep the potential affair under the carpet, he’d probably still never trust that you wouldn’t snoop around. There really isn’t much room for a healthy relationship to exist under these conditions. Your best option is probably to move forward as friends or acquaintances and look somewhere else for love.


With Love,
LOVE